Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
