She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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