I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
