I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
