I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
