so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
