my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
