I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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