I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
