Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
