i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
