had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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