i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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