We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
