My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
