If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
