haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
