pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
