...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
