i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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