so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
