What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
