come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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