I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
