I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
