I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
MIDGETS
????
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
