Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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