My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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