we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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