and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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