it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
