wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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