she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
