It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
