How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
