Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
