It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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