i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
