I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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