he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
