I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
