Screwed.edu
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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