dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
