I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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