He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
