I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
