Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
organizing the empties. That sober.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
