Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
