If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
