so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
