Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
