I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Vodka?
Forever.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
