Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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