my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
